The Power of Seeds

I met J. at Planet Fitness. He's a funny old chap who likes to joke around with my sister and I, telling her that I'm trying to beat her, or asking if I'm in the marines with how hard I push myself. The other day, I found out he had a doctor's appointment to burn off some more cancer that's been growing in his face, and I asked to pray for him right then and there. It took him aback, but he thanked me for caring enough to take the time to do that and shared how he and God don't always get along. How at 29, his first wife was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver, and that he learned she was pregnant at the autopsy. How he wanted to be a priest, and had issues with what they were doing. How he was stationed at a place for two years where they found out they were drinking poisonous water that caused cancer in so many, but the VA said his wasn't the "right" cancer that others got, so they won't do anything for him. How he's married to an amazing lady now, but there have been so many times since the death of his first wife, he wondered why it couldn't have been him. Still, he thanked me for my seemingly small prayer in comparison to the hell he's experienced and told me to tell my husband how f@#%ing blessed he is to have me. I don't know what fruit will come from the tiny seed I planted. I want to believe that it'll bring complete healing in both body and soul. I know that it has that possibility, but I know that's not always how it works. So many friends are dealing with so much right now. A good friend of mine's best friend just died of cancer, leaving behind seven young kids and her husband. My husband's friend has been having issues getting their house rebuilt after a fire, and has been having some severe health issues, and just so many things that have caused both my husband and I to weep and pray. So many things going on in friends' lives and in the world that feel so overwhelming, so monumental, that I don't know if anything I could do could make a difference. The things I'm going through, and what I can contribute, feel so small in comparison. I often wonder if my small act of obedience in prayer will produce the fruit I desire as God tenderly reminds me that it will produce the fruit He desires. That His Word will never return void. I think about all the times that my life has brought about so much disappointment. Times I didn't think anything good could come from the hell I was going through, and how I learned that despite that, God was still for me in the midst of it. That my trials didn't change His nature, but I could allow them to soften mine. I learned from experience that while I don't understand all that God allows, and have only begun to encounter the depth of His character, what I do know is that He can be trusted. That shaking my fists in anger won't do any good, but I can plant seeds in my time of brokenness and know they'll produce the fruit God desires. So much of what I do as a woman can feel so small and insignificant at times. The daily grind that comes with homeschooling and raising small kids. Staying home, praying, and writing, just sharing from my own story, and reaching the few people who care enough to read what I have to say. My sister's been reminding me to not despise small beginnings. So, here I am, planting this small seed, hoping it will cause whoever reads this to also plant whatever seeds God is asking of you. Even when I don't see it You're working, even when I don't feel it You're working, You never stop, You never stop working... the words play in the background, as tears well up in my eyes, and I think of the possibilities my small seeds I plant in acts of obedience and empathy can bring. Sometimes only He knows, and I have to trust that that's enough.