In Christ Alone

Growing up loving Christ and seeing His heart from a young age, I never really understood how He could ever be a stumbling block to anyone. After all, He’s the desire of the nations. He came to set people in captivity free. He came to bring good news, which is the exact definition of the gospel. I always thought those verses must be for people who were insistent on being evil. How could He ever be a stumbling block to me?

I got filled with the Holy Spirit at the age of 12, and it took my relationship with Him to the next level. He brought me joy, gave me a reason to live purposely, and helped me push past my fears. I was truly a new creation. When I dealt with some really difficult things in my teens, He brought me into an even deeper level with Him. I took the challenge in my youth to be an example in spirit, in faith, and in purity, always wanting to do what was right and live for Him. As an introvert, I’ve always hated being in the spotlight, but was willing to do whatever He called me to. In a time of great spiritual strength, I prayed that God would do whatever it took to bring me ever closer to Him and use me in whatever way He saw fit.

Nothing could have prepared me for what would come next. A few years in, while I faced immense challenges, I still felt somewhat invincible. I wasn’t returning evil for evil. I loved and prayed for people who rejected me and falsely accused me. I always tried to put myself in their shoes. Those prayers helped me keep a soft heart towards some people who committed some great evils against me. God brought me closer to Him through it all, using me in ways I never could have dreamed, and I thought I was passing all these tests with flying colors. Surely, nothing Satan could throw my way could ever trip me.

There’s this sin called pride that often slips in unnoticed. Those who live righteously sometimes are the most prone to it I think. We whose lives or actions are put on a pedestal often forget just how far we’ve come, that it was nothing of our own doing, and occasionally start to manifest an attitude somewhat like the prodigal son’s older brother. When I was faced with some even greater atrocities, my pride started masking itself as self-pity. Some of the things I experienced, I wouldn’t have wished on my worst enemies. It was hard to swallow considering I thought I was doing everything “right”. I started questioning how a loving God could lead and allow me to go through such difficulties as some of those things I had done in good heart and purity were turned against me. I lost friends who couldn’t bear to hear my story or how I was treated. Others judged me and gave me advice not knowing what was going on behind closed doors. I felt utterly alone and neglected. The only people speaking into my life were people who barely knew me, had only heard false accusations about me, or seen me at my worst. I built walls to protect myself and felt utterly incapable of acting like the person I once was. That sense of powerlessness made me feel absolutely stuck, unable to be transparent or useful. I wished the toxicity out of my life in whatever way possible. My cup seemed too hard for me to bear.

I never questioned God’s sovereignty. In fact, the situations I was in were a direct result of my obedience to Him and His leading, and that made it harder for me to understand. It felt like God had completely turned His back on me. I didn’t understand why He wasn’t intervening. My understanding of God was so incredibly limited and the pedestal I put myself on so high. The fact that I could even question how could He allow me to go through such things just shows how high and mighty I viewed myself. I didn't understand the God who allowed His blameless Son Jesus to bear the sins of the whole world. I didn't understand the ways of Him who pointed out His righteous servant Job to be tested by our enemy. I didn't understand the necessity for God to call us to the end of ourselves, to do things we cannot do on our own. If Jesus asked God to let His cup of suffering to be taken from Him at the end, or Job whom God called righteous was brought to feelings of unworthiness, why did I think my righteous living made me immune to such trials? Why did I ever think that I shouldn’t or wouldn't be tested in a similar way?

Perhaps the greatest and hardest part of Christianity is the very fact that Christ can be a stumbling block to those seeking to earn salvation. The fact that God doesn't will for anyone to perish- not the married adulterous king who gets a spouse killed or the ones looking to kill Christians. It is hard to wrap our minds around just how much He loves us or how He doesn't show partiality like we do. How difficult it is to understand that He makes the rain fall on the just or the unjust. We build gods of ourselves when we think we are immune to that chronic illness, the death of a child, any form of suffering, or any temptation of sin when we think something we've done can save us from the wild, but loving nature of God. We are called to do what is impossible of ourselves. We are called to do what Christ alone can do- loving the unlovable, forgiving the unforgivable, because He’s forgiven those in us. It is my pride to think the least of these could never be me. Christ can be a cornerstone to build upon or a stumbling block to trip over. The scribes and Pharisees tripped over Him. They were the well-educated men who had whole books of the Bible memorized, whose lives looked righteous enough for people to think they could come to God through them. I have learned that I’m not invincible. I will be tempted, and I'm not infallible. On earth, I will always have a limited understanding of God. I have learned that God will have to uproot anything that comes against the knowledge of Christ, anything at all that could point others to me rather than Him. That restoration process can be extremely painful. However, it is a necessity, and is always done in love. If the only thing my life and works point to is myself or what I alone can do without Him, where is the good news in that? Every other religion besides Christianity is about working to salvation. In Christianity, our righteous acts are like filthy rags, our prophesying from unclean lips. His strength is made perfect in our weakness, not our works, so we cannot boast. May we always remember everything we do, any fruit we grow, is in and through Christ alone. It keeps us humble, forgiving, gracious, and loving. The least we could do is point others to Him.

~*THE LEAST I COULD DO*~

Eight steps to a better life, How to be a great wife, All these laws I've kept from my youth. "These aren't about me, I'm living for You!" Just do my best; I'll be just fine. I've got a ticket to Heaven, Better get in line. I'm gonna get dressed In my Sunday best. I'm gonna look good; You'll be impressed. I've done everything I can; I'm Your best man. Everybody knows Where I stand. I love those who love me. Those who hate me are surely Just filled with insecurity. I workout, I eat clean, I do everything I can To live green. I do my part, Yet I still look cool. I follow all Your rules And call it old-school. Surely, You'll be impressed. I've got a track sheet 6 feet long, And nothing to confess. Truly, I deserve this; I kept Your list. I even saved My first kiss. What?! Of course it's about You! I did all the good I could do! Why are You saying You're beginning to think I'm looking more and more like A pharisee? Why are You calling me To something I can't do, Saying that's how I best glorify You? I heard You're a God of love! Nobody said tough love! Not any club I'm a part of. Those sugar-coated messages Were way easier to hear. I felt so good When they tickled my ears. How dare You say I can't do this on my own? How is it good news I can't do this alone? You know me! I don't like to depend on anybody! How could You say I dried up and died The second I disconnected from Your vine? Everybody said I was living the life! So why aren't You satisfied? How could You tell me I was worshipping self- The biggest idol of hell? And why would You say, 'The best I can do Has never pointed to You?' That's all I ever wanted! I wanted to follow Your call! But what's in it for me, If I gave up my all? And took up my cross, And followed You. Let You be my boss; The least I could do. But that's what You want, Isn't it? To call all the shots- Be the biggest hit. Let me bask in Your glory, As You walk before me. And finally walk free, From the chains that have bound me. That's the reason You died. May You be glorified. If it's not about me, Then You get the glory.

-R.A.D. 10/12/13

~*God is looking for people through whom He can do the impossible. What a pity we plan to do only the things that we can do by ourselves.*~ ~A.W. Tozer